The recent report from UCLA’s Williams Institute on LGBTQ parenting reveals crucial insights about modern families like mine—families that don’t always fit neatly into societal or media-driven perceptions. As a gay father of triplet toddlers, I find it both validating and disheartening to see the complexities of LGBTQ family life presented in this data. It reminds me that while we've made significant progress in our fight for equality, there’s still much work to be done to ensure families like mine are fully recognized and supported.

When my husband Jim and I embarked on our own journey to parenthood, we were aware of the challenges, but nothing fully prepares you for the real-world barriers. Having three beautiful children—Lance, Lana, and Livia—was a dream come true for us, but the road to get here was riddled with emotional, financial, and legal obstacles. We quickly learned that while society may have come to accept the existence of LGBTQ families, many systems and policies still lag behind in providing equitable support.

One of the most striking statistics from the report is that 30% of LGBTQ parents are not legally recognized or are unsure of their legal status as parents. This is a chilling reality for many non-biological parents, particularly in same-sex couples. Even when Jim and I were able to list both our names on our children's birth certificates, we were advised to take additional legal steps to secure our parental rights—steps that many heterosexual couples never have to consider. The disparity is glaring, and it highlights the urgent need for states to modernize parentage laws. No parent should live with the fear of losing their child due to outdated legal frameworks.

Another significant finding from the report is that Black LGBTQ adults are more likely to be parents than their White counterparts, yet LGBTQ parents overall are more likely to live in poverty than their non-parent peers and straight cisgender parents. As a gay man who is White and married, I recognize the privilege we carry. Our family is financially secure, but I know that our experience doesn’t reflect the reality for many other LGBTQ families, especially those in marginalized communities. This is an issue that deserves more attention, particularly as we discuss policies around reproductive rights, adoption, and parental recognition.

What’s perhaps most revealing is the diversity within LGBTQ parenting. The report emphasizes that cisgender bisexual women make up the largest proportion of LGBTQ parents with minors, challenging the common image of LGBTQ families as being predominantly same-sex, cisgender couples. This speaks to the need for broader, more inclusive representations of what LGBTQ families look like in media and policy conversations. It’s not just about two moms or two dads; it’s about single parents, blended families, and everything in between.

For my family, raising triplets has been a whirlwind of joy, exhaustion, and unexpected moments. I often think about how lucky we are to have found a supportive community, but I also know that many LGBTQ parents feel isolated or stigmatized. That’s why resources like Family Equality and Gays With Kids’ Academy are vital for queer parents. They offer guidance, a sense of community, and the knowledge that we’re not alone in navigating the complexities of family-building.

As the report points out, the number of LGBTQ families is likely to grow, with many queer adults expressing a strong desire to have children. This means it’s even more critical to address the structural barriers we face—whether it’s accessing fertility treatments, navigating adoption, or securing legal recognition as parents. Policy changes can and should be made at the state level, but there’s also a larger cultural shift needed. Our families deserve to be seen, supported, and protected just like any other.

As I watch my kids grow, I can’t help but reflect on how far we’ve come—and how much further we need to go. Families like mine, like Caitlin and Jess Gray’s, and like so many others under the LGBTQ umbrella, are all part of the same big rainbow tent. Our children deserve to see their families represented and affirmed in all their beautiful diversity. As we move forward, both the stories we tell and the policies we enact need to reflect that truth.

https://www.baywindows.com/story.php?334980